Plans

Well, so my plans have somewhat changed. I'm going to take my final exam a week early, and head off to Lebanon by plane, and then to Egypt. I decided to hook up with an LDS group to tour Egypt and Israel. That's kind of exciting.

Two days ago, I called my friends 7ana and M7ammad, friends from BYU from two years ago. I haven't talked to them for about nine months. It was the best feeling in the world to have them exclaim, "You talk like a Jordanian!" "Your accent!" "I don't know who I'm talking to!" - or just to have them respond to me in Arabic instead of English. "Selim a'alelkol," "wala hemak." It's something small, but it's important to me.

Something else that was important about that: it helped me remember that I can be involved in the Arab community back at BYU. That when I leave this place, it's not khalas to my Arabic. I'm going to go a long way with this.

However, I have come to realize something very important. Arabic is not the most important thing. Eternal life and marrying in the temple: that is the MOST important thing in my life. Everything else is secondary to this.

So before I came out here, my father gave me a priesthood blessing. In it, it said that I would experience some things that would be unendurable for others, but because of my personality, I would be able to succeed, even enjoy some of them.

That has definitely happened, in every single sector of my life here. I could name about 15 specific difficult life experiences that I've had since being here.

One thing that I've realized from my experiences is that probably my biggest flaw is lack of patience. I need to be more patient. I need to have more faith that there is a plan for me, and I need to WAIT.

Yesterday in F&T Sacrament meeting, Sama said, "I just want to shout from the rooftops that I am a daughter of God! I am a princess, because I am a daughter of the King of Kings!"

The faith of these people here is contagious, and has forever changed my life. I am not the same little girl who left Massachusetts 3 months ago. Growing up, changing, making mistakes, changing, finding out what is real, what is not, what my priorities are.

I am so grateful for my good parents and friends, both American and Arab. I don't have enough good things to say about the family I am staying with.

One of my big flaws is always looking towards the future. I decided that's not a good thing for my anxiety-prone personality. When I start worrying about the future - I mean, it's good to think ahead, but not to LIVE ahead, and that's what I tend to do often - I am going to put a hymn in my head. Instead of focusing on the endless possibilities that lie ahead of me, I am going to focus on keeping the commandments today. You know? I think that's a much better solution.