Why I am in Jordan

Lama Tarayra taught me how to count to five in Arabic.
Her experiences working in Israeli-Palestinian summer peace camps moved me to tears.
I decided it was worth taking Arabic.
I hated my major.
I loved Arabic.
I changed majors to Middle Eastern Studies and Arabic.
Part of the program involves doing a summer study abroad program.
I went.
My best friends at BYU were Jordanian.
I wanted to hang out with them.
Once they got to Jordan, I did.
But I didn't go with anybody else.
This was against the rules.
So I was sent home early.
And kicked out of my major.
And had to reapply to BYU.
I had previously decided to defer for the fall semester.
I kept that plan.
I worked at a Jewelry Store.
I earned a lot of money.
I used the money to buy a plane ticket to come back to Jordan.
While I was in Jordan the first time, I became friends with Adam (Nedal) Tashman.
He introduced me to Sanaa Hammouri.
Sanaa and I became close friends.
She told me to come to the University of Yarmouk.
I assumed they had a language center on campus, like the University of Jordan.
I came back by myself.
Adam (Nedal) arranged for the missionaries to pick me up and for me to spend the first few nights at his house.
Then I moved to the Hammouri's house.
Heba Hammouri helped me enroll in the Language Center.
I have been here ever since.

I want to go back home and become involved in the Arabic club at BYU, and get certified in Arabic Teaching. Beyond that, ba'arafesh.

Stop thinking about tomorrow.

La Rentree a 5 Allee Ste Marie

I made an executive decision to discontinue putting photos directly in the text of my blog. It was tough to man-oover (I have no idea how to spell that word - manoeuvre...?). I figured out a better way to put my photos online, so that's good.

My French brother, Pierrick, is in a relationship with a girl named Melanie, and it really reminds me a lot of my relationship with Paul. I tried to explain to him the three different kinds of love that exist - I know there's a billion ways to split them up, but I like this particular model - Friendship/intellectual love (my handler), Romantic/physical love, and then there's this other love that is...just...way deeper. It's the "pure love of Christ" - it's to forgive, to love anyway even when you see the faults of someone else. I've only ever felt this way for one single person in my life.

I tried to explain la decollage horaire to my French sisters, but they didn't really understand. It absolutely amazed them that it was possible that it's 7 hours earlier chez moi. I asked, at the dinner table, where you'd like to go if you could go anywhere. The kids all said funny things - Nolwenn would go to China, Xavier didn't know, Pierrick would go to Norwege, Anaelle would go wherever I am...cute. I'd go to Alaska.

I was an idiot - thought my flight was leaving on the 5th of February for Jordan, but in fact it's leaving the 8th. So I went to my French parents - it was really la folie dans la maison - seriously, people running around everywhere, people skinning potatoes, stirring the soup, cutting up carrots, I was in charge of the salad...yeah, I went and asked them, "Je viens vous demander si je peux abuser votre hospitalite encore deux jours..." It was funny. They laughed really hard. Etienne is a very fun pere d'accueil.

But what I really want to say isn't about any of this - it's that I went back to SYA! Back to my school! I walked in the building - it's just...

It's not smaller, it just feels - the proportions aren't right. I remember being so...always having this feeling of being very self conscious. It doesn't exist in the France-Kate anymore. It's so strange. I don't understand how something like that can just disappear, but it has. I think that living in Jordan completely changed everything. Or maybe it's the fact of living surrounded by friends. I didn't have close friends before going to BYU, so that definitely must have changed some things. But seriously, I could definitely very easily live in France for a year or too, without finding any serious difficulties. It's so similar to home. So much more similar than the Middle East.

My friend Adam Tashman recommended that I live at his house instead of Senaa's. He doesn't trust the fact that they're Muslim. I trust Adam with my life. He said that his family would really love me to live with them. Hmmmmm.

Yeah, Pascal completely remembered me! He said that my year of SYA was really a strong year in many, many different ways - he still is impressed thinking of SYA-France 2002-2003. He remembers our names, too! So crazy! I returned a book I borrowed from him, and he was extremely happy to receive it; it's out of print now, and he was looking for it recently. It made me happy to have thought to return that book - there were several other that I happened to have added to my library, but never felt quite comfortable with having taken without asking or buying - effectivement, having stolen them. So I returned them and felt like a good girl.

M. Austin is still there. He asked me if I wanted to do a little presentation on Monday at the school assembly. I know it's kinda dorky, but I still am a little bit excited to do it!!!

Preparing to Leave: 3 days away

Tonight after institute in Hartford, we played a wicked awesome game of soccer together. It was hard, and fun. I ran full-body on into Greg, scored 5 goals, and had to run around the building in negative degree weather to cool down afterwards.

I said goodbye to my favorite Williston teachers. It was less of a "goodbye", more of a "cya". I hadn't been around them for very long. To actually say "goodbye" to my peers, my close friends here, is going to be extraordinarily difficult.

The whole 44 pounds thing is a little bit worrisome, too.

My BYU Jordanian friends told me that tampons were available in one of the seven Safeways in Amman, but I don't want to take that kind of a risk; especial since I won't even be living anywhere close to Amman. Well, I guess it's a heckuva lot closer than HERE, but seriously. This is where I will be living in Jordan. --->

It may be labeled "CyberCity" on the map because it has the street with the singlemost internet cafe's on one street in the entire world.

Senaa's family lives close to the University of Yarmuk, the school I will be at.

From henceforth, Nedal Tashman will be referred to as "Adam" since that is his preferred name. I had a funny, somewhat dis-connected conversation with Adam today. He was walking between classes in freezing cold Logan, UT weather. I asked him to help me figure out how to get from the airport to his house, and if I could stay there for the first few nights. He said that I can definitely stay at his house as long as I want, in traditional Arab generosity, and said that, "I can help you arrange anything you need, and arranging rides and a place to stay is easy. I am happy to help you with anything you need!" What a great friend. I remember being there last summer. One of the girls had a problem with her bank; they weren't wiring money to her fast enough. "Just tell them you know Nedal, and everything will be alright." We all laughed, partly because it was a funny idea, partly because it hit an emotional truth.

My psycho-analyst seems to think that it would be easier to deal with "goodbye" if you think of it as temporary. "When I drop you off on Sunday, I'm going to say, "See you tomorrow." - and I will see you tomorrow! - and you have to say, "Okay, see you tomorrow!" "

I am afraid of how it will be to leave. I have never had such a fiercely loyal and caring group of friends. Thinking about leaving is not good; fortunately there are still about a million preparations to be done before I can think about it more seriously.