My Groom

In Jordanian Culture, there isn't such a thing as "dating" or "hanging out". So, what happens when two people love each other and eventually decide to get married? I discovered today, in what turned out to be the most hilarious cultural experience I have had so far.

I was not expecting to experience this while in Jordan, but apparently the neighbor's son saw me walking twice, and he liked what he saw. He went to my Arabic mom to ask for my hand.

The funniest part about this experience is that it was totally serious.

My Arabic mom told me that boys are like fish, you have to go to the fish-hawker (what the heck is that called in English?) and look at lots of them before you buy them; you don't go straight to the ocean to get them. So, she convinced me that it would be a good idea for him to come and drink some coffee with us, and talk about this subject. Of course, she had already invited him and his mother to come; his mother being one of her close friends, that I have sat with many times.

It was hilarious. He came, and I was actually really surprised because he was handsome. What!? This situation was supposed to turn out easy, but...

So then, we were all sitting there. My arabic mom, the mom of our neighbor, the mom of my groom, my arabic sister Alaa, and my groom. He got right to the point, and said that he saw me twice, I pleased him, and he wants to marry me. So what's my opinion?

Without blushing.

So, without blushing, I tried to get out of this situation without being impolite. It was super difficult because, as you know, I am from a totally different culture, and NOBODY helped me! I went into the other room because one of my arabic sisters was calling me. I begged from them words, what should I say! How can I be polite? How can I solve this problem! They didn't help me because, "It's your choice, ente horr, you're free!"

What an experience. I went back to the room and started to explain to him that I decided a long time ago that I have to marry a "Christian-Mormon". He tried to explain to me, that in his opinion, religion isn't a problem in marriage. You can marry somebody from a different religion, it's not a problem for the children, and if I want to marry him, I would be free to believe whatever I want to believe.

If I were to marry a muslim, it would not be some random stranger, but somebody whose mind and soul I match. Sigh. But mind, soul, heart - those things don't come close to faith. I had to break up with somebody I truly love because of an impossible future. Malek, ya Malek...
So then my Arabic sister called me again from inside, and I went, begged again how to get out of this situation! Again, they didn't help me.

In the end, I said, "I'll think about it," and gave him my email. I guess he and my Arabic brother are taking me to the airport tomorrow, what?!?!?!? We - well, not me, being the non-coffee drinking good mormon girl that I am - drank coffee. Then, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to tell you this in a polite way, but since this is the last night with my Arabic sisters, I want to spend some time with them, and go inside with them. I don't want to be impolite..." "No, no, I will leave now, but I will see you tomorrow!"

Aughghghghghg.

I can tell you now, from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, that Arabic women are powerful. As I sat there, with this decision before me, I felt the most amazing feeling ever. THIS CHOICE WAS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY MINE.

On a totally different note, tomorrow I am leaving! What?!?!?!??!?!

World War Three

Actually, this is a little known fact, but it began in the Hammouri house, in Irbid, Jordan. The subject? Only the will to live is more powerful than this...you guessed it, love.

I don't know if I would really classify these relationships as "love". My American friend Adam certainly doesn't. "These people's idea of love is so middle school. It's superficial and fake; they don't know mature love until marriage, if even." And we weren't talking about sex. Just the ability to communicate and love each other.

However, by this definition, I probably...well, I think to myself about all the boys I've dated and not really loved, and the ones I loved but didn't date, and how subjective and un-bordered the whole subject is. I asked my friend Kit if he's ever kissed someone he didn't love, not really expecting him to ask me back. When he did, it made me think. I have no reason to look down on these girls for not having mature love relationships; most of my relationships have been that way. The number of guys I have really loved or still do love I can definitely count on one hand.

I have to remain ambiguous for the sake of my sister's honor, but I would really like to write about the female situation here in Jordan. Let's just say, all of my sisters have boy problems, and none of them would fall under the American category of "dating".

One is young and everybody is afraid that she's going to follow a bad example (although she's the sweetest girl in the whole world, in my opinion). None of us (including me) are allowed to talk about love or boys in front of her.

One has a secret boyfriend but their only interaction is through their cell phones; last week, her brother overheard her talking to him and demanded to know who she was talking with. If he had found out, her reputation could have been ruined forever. She was terrified.

One has two boys who like her; one is in a position where he can afford marriage. He finished his master's, he's 29, has a good job, but doesn't really like her, and isn't really that interested in her. The second one can't get married for at least another two years, he's very mooskeen, or...young? Shy? Little? How do you translate that idea? He loves her a lot, so much that he yelled at her for about two hours on the phone after he saw her talking to another guy while she was at work. What? But they made up, and now she has to decide who she's going to go for.

One doesn't have a boyfriend at all. From what I can tell, she wants one. She doesn't really vocalize thoughts about marriage, but I think she's worrying about it.

Then, there's me. My love problems...yeah, I came here to stay far away from them. I don't know how well I've succeeded.