Worlds Apart - Bruce Springsteen, The Rising (2002)

I broke up with Malek.

WORLDS APART

I hold you in my arms, yeah that's when it starts
I seek faith in your kiss, and comfort in your heart
I taste the seed upon your lips, lay my tongue upon your scars
But when I look into your eyes, we stand worlds apart

Where the distant oceans sing, and rise to the plain
In this dry and troubled country, your beauty remains
Down from the mountain roads, where the highway rolls to dark
'Neath Allah's blessed rain, we remain worlds apart

Sometimes the trust just ain't enough
Or it's too much in times like this
Let's throw the truth away, we'll find it in this kiss
In your skin upon my skin, in the beating of our hearts
May the living let us in, before the dead tear us apart

We'll let blood build a bridge, over mountains draped in stars
I'll meet you on the ridge, between these worlds apart
We've got this moment now to live, then it's all just dust and dark
Let love give what it gives
Let's let love gives what it gives

After we die, it's not all just dust and dark, and I can't marry him. We are literally worlds apart. We've joked before about how in order to love each other completely we would have to go to the moon to do it. That's not very far from the truth.

So this was the hardest thing I have done in my life so far, but it was pretty much inevitable.

I really love him, but we are worlds apart...sorry Bruce, I have to think of my family...

"Is Your Girlfriend a Virgin?"

Malek told me the other day that when his friends find out he's dating an American, pretty much the first thing they want to know is, "Is she a virgin?"

(speaking arabic)
"And how do you answer them!?!?!"
"I say it's none of your freaking business!!!!"
"Well, GOOD!"
"Seriously, I can't believe how stupid they are. I mean, I don't care if their girlfriends are virgins or not, I don't ever ask them! Why should they ask about you? I tell them that she's very religious, she's Mormon, and it's the same as in Islam - it's against their religion to sleep with somebody before they're married. They don't believe me, but I don't blame them. I mean, pretty much none of them have ever heard about Mormons before."

My muslim boyfriend is spreading the gospel. Funny.

You will probably ask this, especially after I just posted my very personal feelings about marriage and my future and the importance of me marrying in the temple - so Why Are You Dating A Muslim?

Here are the top ten reasons why I am dating Malak Al-Hamdan:

10. Living here for 3+ months, I've been somewhat brainwashed, and so just the act of latching on to something familiar that cares about me feels comforting and calming.
9. This experience is rich and full. I really know what it's like to be a girl in Jordanian society.
8. not to mention super FUN
7. He's a good Arabic teacher.
6. He's smart. You'd think that because neither of us is super fluent in the other's language, the conversations would be stuck on boring subjects. Not so - the language is not a barrier, it's actually more like...having to stop to explain things in depth is like adding a microscope to your conversation. It lets you see your own ideas in a new way. He's always opening my mind to new ideas and new things.
5. He is NORMAL. Like, he doesn't think Jews have tails, and he mocks the lack of political freedom that exists in this part of the world.
4. He respects me. He hasn't and would never put me in a place where I am uncomfortable.
3. He's clean. We have same moral standards.
2. He is honest.
1. I prayed about it, and felt calm and good about it.

I have been very open and honest with him about the fact that I can't marry him. I don't want to lead him on, it's real what we've got, and it's definitely been a good experience for me. I am happy that we live in a society where physical contact is a social taboo. I enjoy him as a close friend, and want to stay friends even after I leave. He's made a big impact on my life, taught me a LOT, and this has been a good, positive, fun experience.

The truth is that I need to deer bali 3la hali and stay as far from the edge of the cliff as possible. As of now, I'm about in the middle of the road. Maybe it would be smart to get closer to the side far away from the edge.

World War Three

Actually, this is a little known fact, but it began in the Hammouri house, in Irbid, Jordan. The subject? Only the will to live is more powerful than this...you guessed it, love.

I don't know if I would really classify these relationships as "love". My American friend Adam certainly doesn't. "These people's idea of love is so middle school. It's superficial and fake; they don't know mature love until marriage, if even." And we weren't talking about sex. Just the ability to communicate and love each other.

However, by this definition, I probably...well, I think to myself about all the boys I've dated and not really loved, and the ones I loved but didn't date, and how subjective and un-bordered the whole subject is. I asked my friend Kit if he's ever kissed someone he didn't love, not really expecting him to ask me back. When he did, it made me think. I have no reason to look down on these girls for not having mature love relationships; most of my relationships have been that way. The number of guys I have really loved or still do love I can definitely count on one hand.

I have to remain ambiguous for the sake of my sister's honor, but I would really like to write about the female situation here in Jordan. Let's just say, all of my sisters have boy problems, and none of them would fall under the American category of "dating".

One is young and everybody is afraid that she's going to follow a bad example (although she's the sweetest girl in the whole world, in my opinion). None of us (including me) are allowed to talk about love or boys in front of her.

One has a secret boyfriend but their only interaction is through their cell phones; last week, her brother overheard her talking to him and demanded to know who she was talking with. If he had found out, her reputation could have been ruined forever. She was terrified.

One has two boys who like her; one is in a position where he can afford marriage. He finished his master's, he's 29, has a good job, but doesn't really like her, and isn't really that interested in her. The second one can't get married for at least another two years, he's very mooskeen, or...young? Shy? Little? How do you translate that idea? He loves her a lot, so much that he yelled at her for about two hours on the phone after he saw her talking to another guy while she was at work. What? But they made up, and now she has to decide who she's going to go for.

One doesn't have a boyfriend at all. From what I can tell, she wants one. She doesn't really vocalize thoughts about marriage, but I think she's worrying about it.

Then, there's me. My love problems...yeah, I came here to stay far away from them. I don't know how well I've succeeded.