Time at Home







Ways to Contact Me

  • Skype: kalzebeta
  • Yahoo Messenger: kalzebeta

Yoga Party!

Yoga Party!
Check this out!

Blog Archive

Showing posts with label culture shock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label culture shock. Show all posts

Monday, June 11, 2007

Jet Lag

I woke up, looked at the clock. It said 6:30. I was like, "Oh okay, maybe This American Life will be on soon...what time does it come on?" Went upstairs and my mom was like, "Are you hungry?"

"No...haven't really been asleep that long."
"Yeah, not that long, only like 14 hours..."
"What?"
"You must have a really good bladder, you didn't get up once to go to the bathroom."
"Um, okay."
"You'll appreciate that comment more when you get older."

"What, it's morning?"
She laughed and pointed to her bathrobe.
"Yeah, Kate!"
"Um...okay...what?"

My dad waltzed in the room and started singing something. He got his lunch out of the fridge and then started saying how he thought they had plums in the middle east, which is why he bought plums, so I can feel "at home" and do I want any?

I didn't really know how to respond. I guess they'd have plums if they could afford them?

Didn't say anything, but then asked again, "Um, is it really morning or are you all just kidding?"
"No, no, it's really morning!"
Laughed.

Weird.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

I Lost Weight

I don't know how much weight I lost in Jordan.

I say 4 kilos (like 8 pounds), but that's more like a rough estimate not really based in facts.

When I was in Jordan last year, on Fezzah's scale (I lived with a crazy old widow, and one day she felt like getting her scale out and weighing me and my roommate Rachel) I weighed 64-65 kilos. That would make sense, because for the last four years, I have been exactly 143 pounds, not more, not less. 143 pounds is 65 kilos.

I hate talking about these things because they are sensitive in my family. This is really important, though.

When I weighed myself on Sister Dew's scale before coming home, I weighed 61-62 kilos, which is like 134 pounds. If that information is correct, I lost something like 4 kilos, or 8 pounds.

My dad said I looked good. That is code word in our house for, "You lost weight!" Weird to be hearing those words from him.

Later on, Trevor ended up calling me. It was good to be able to talk to another human being after being surrounded by aliens for the whole day. Somehow the fact that I lost 8ish pounds came up in our conversation, and he said something like, "Yeah, I noticed when I picked you up at the airport. I wasn't going to say anything, because I didn't think it was that important." Man, that made me feel so good. Because it's not important. It's not like I was fat before, and it's not like I'm skinny now, and even if I were, those things are totally superficial.

Friday, May 18, 2007

I Hate Americans

Well, that's kind of an overstatement. I think Trevor's pretty cool, and there's this one missionary in Southern California I kind of like. Oh yeah, and there's Joe, Sarah, Dot, mom, and pop...and Cindy, and Emily, and Greg, and and and and and....

Maybe it's just these Americans? I don't know. I don't hate them specifically, in fact, sitting with almost any of them by themselves is fine. It's just the group.

It's more like, the situation in general.

What was by far the most awkward dinner conversation I have ever had started with the topic of Iraq. The idea was presented that our troops are doing a great job and Iraqis love us. I ventured to speak, thinking my time having to be in a situation where my job was to listen WA BAS (ONLY) had been served. I talked about how from the Arabs I have talked to, most of them tend to feel that Saddam was better for Iraq because at least under him there was as strong central government, not utter chaos and calamity.

I wasn't even making a statement of my own political views, just reporting what I had heard, and suddenly the table seemed to collapse in, "I think that's an over generalization," and, "Jimmy Carter this, Jimmy Carter that," and, "Saddam was responsible for the deaths of over 2 million." I didn't want a political argument, and the way it happened, I was the only one supporting my argument, which was that many to most Arabs currently prefer Saddam's iron fist to "American-born anarchy and civil war".

That argument isn't even that radical. It's an argument of who thinks what, not what is what. I still don't know what I think about this, exactly - but I know what other people told me.

Disgustingly huge houses, huge meals, no love - I can't even tell you.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I'm in Egypt!



















When I write a book someday, this will be on the jacket sleeve somewhere. It's just such a stereotypical picture of an Arab. To us, this is picturesque. This is the Middle East.

But it's not the Middle East. Everybody doesn't look like this. This photo will help sell my book, but the reality is that this guy was so completely abnormal to my experience in Irbid, that even after having become somewhat acclimatized to this part of the world, I wanted to take a shot of him.

I am having a hard time dealing with the other Americans. They are just such idiots. They're good people, but it's frustrating how little they understand about this part of the world.

Is Saddam Hussein responsible for the death of 2 million people?

Egypt is totally completely absolutely incredibly different. It's a different world. I can't even tell you how....WEIRD this place is. More on what I did later, first I want to sleep.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Luck?

Why was I born in America?

What gives some people the right to be born into great families, what gives others the right to come from a high socio-economic status - how am I any better than the housemaid girl at Aunt Saba7's house?

I feel so jealous that I wasn't born a Hammouri.

It's so complicated. It's not like I would give up being a Vasicek, or having my family. But at the same time there are things about this family that are so incredibly wonderful, and fantastic, and filling, and GOOD - my heart is full of jealousy and pain and sadness and howling. Why couldn't I have been born into this wonderful society? Why am I American?

At the same time, I love my Americaness. I can't tell you how complicated all of these thoughts are in my head right now.

The people here love each other so much. I wasn't a Hammouri, but living here for three months has really taught me a lot of things about love and the things that matter. Every day I felt the love these people have for their family.

Why can't I have this love, too? My family loves each other, but sometimes it's just not as obvious as here. We aren't as close. We care about material things more than each other, and I'm not talking on a Vasicek level; in general, Americans don't seem to care very much about each other. How can I return to a place like that after having lived in a place like this? How can I build a family culture that is more Arab than American, especially if I am going to be LIVING in America? My mind is so tied up.

I just feel so completely torn. When I leave, where will my country be?

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

All Good Things Must End...

I am missing this place even though I'm not technically gone yet.

Today was really difficult. It's so complicated, my head. Thinking about the future, thinking about the past, the things I did, the things I learned here...

I read a really useful article about breaking up recently. It made me feel a little bit better about this whole situation. I don't know how to explain this, but I feel like not only did I break up with a dear friend, but this whole country.

The worst part is that I haven't left yet. It's like going through a giant ceremony over and over and over. I've never done anything remotely compared to this before.

When I left France, I was extremely excited. The excitement and shock completely overshadowed my pains and grief over not seeing people.

This time, I fell in love with a culture, a people, a religion, a boy, a way of life - it would be so much easier to just think that, "Hey, I came here to meet these people and become one of them." But that's not true. I will marry in the temple. I will not settle for anything less.

It's almost comical, every five minutes or so, one of my arab sisters takes me in their arms and hugs me, in tears. I cried in my Arab mom's lap last night, and in Sanaa's today. Everybody is being extra-special nice these days.

It will be fun to go to Lebanon, but this parting, this saying goodbye, this breaking apart totally completely sucks.

It doesn't matter that we only have one bathroom and nine people. It's not the bathroom that makes a home, or the culture, or the language - I feel so completely overwhelmed. It's pretty much guaranteed that there will never be another person out there who will fully get this complicated emotional mess of a brain...

Sunday, May 6, 2007

I Have A Family

I have a family here on earth.
They are so good to me.
I want to spend my life with them through all eternity.

Families can be together forever through Heavenly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family and the Lord can show me how I can.

I've been such an IDIOT. So dumb. Anyway, like Scarlett O'Hara - "I-I'll think about that tomorrow." El mohim, the main thing is, I realized something huge. I don't know how to summarize it into a phrase. "The importance of my family", "the only thing that matters in my life is my family," - something like that.

I have been taught that my whole life, but I only just learned it here, from my wonderful Arab family. I can't tell you how big of an impact they have had in my life. So there are lots of things that I can't understand about this culture, but there are so many wonderful, beautiful things. Islamic communities are chaste and righteous. Most importantly, they have one thing completely right: the importance of their family.

The ONLY thing that matters here is the family. It is the base of the society. Everything revolves around family. All of a young girl's life is focused on her marriage, and while the Western world doesn't hesitate to focus on the negative results of this hyperfocus, it fails to note some of the positive results. In general. We don't see the good parts of Islamic culture.

But I lived here, and I tried it for myself. Three months of living here, having many many many many experiences...and I have to say that Islam is correct about families. The family is the MOST important thing.

My Arab mom says that I shouldn't let anybody outside my family bother me. My friends can be idiots, people can forget about me - they can change and become enemies. She says that you can just go inside your house and close your door to the world, but not to your family. Your family matters. You should get angry when something bad happens to your sister; the people you should care about the most, pay attention to the most, and love the most should be your family.

I've been taught this my entire life, but I never learned it until now.

I feel so dumb. It's been so long since the most important thing to me has been my family. I mean, really searching inside myself. The feelings I feel with my arab sisters and my arab mom are similar to the feelings I had when I was a young girl in Naperville, Illinois. I thought that those feelings just ended once you grew up, that they were "childhood". But then, I felt the same way whenever I was around Danny's family. It's like...an end of searching. It's like - being there.

Maybe my restlessness began when my family moved to Massachusetts. I was 8. It was very difficult for us kids, especially Sarah and me. I think that this ever searching ever wandering nature has had positive affects on my life - it may be one of the reasons behind my indelible curiousity, desire to learn, my 9th grade english teacher Dr. Dowe described me as, "interested." A tenacious towards learning, knowing, seeing, feeling, living, experiencing...

However, the negative side of this quality is a lack of satisfaction, of feeling whole, and safe, and calm. These past few months, I have felt friendless and identity-less, and country-less, and many many many stages of culture shock. It occured to me last night that what my Arab mom said was totally completely true: the most important thing in my life is my family.

I love my family so much.

These people here have become like family to me. I can never be "one of them", but they are very close and dear to my heart.

I know how important it is for me to marry in the temple. I know that the most important decisions I will make in my life will involve my family. It makes me sick, the way that marriage and decisions about who you will marry have evolved in BYU mormon culture, but it is true that the most important decision of my life will be who I will marry.

My family is the only thing that will last, beyond my testimony. Muslims know this, and they value their family. They see their children as gifts from God, the most important things in their lives. They visit their cousins, and uncles, and aunts, and care about each other. They talk to each other.

I've learned a lot of things since coming here. Language related things, relationship related things, religion/faith related things, culture related thinsg, how I learn and study best related things, my feelings about my own country and patriotism related things - if all of them were to be erased from my mind except this one idea, that my family is the most important thing, I will go home a better person.

It's not news. I feel kind of silly writing about this, most everybody knows that their family is the most important thing. But it's the first time for me to really know this. There is NOTHING more important, more exciting, or more valuable than eternal life with my family.

Satan knows how important families are, which is why he directly attacks them. Anything that tries to distance me from my family - anybody, or experience, or negative thoughts, or desires, or literature- they are tools Satan uses to destroy us. It's like all of a sudden I have become aware of something that has been around me my whole life. I have to be more on my guard, cling to my family more, and turn away from the influences of the devil in my life more.

I love my family. I love you guys!

Friday, April 27, 2007

Doctor el-Isnan

No, not Niswan, ISNAN. (The difference is big - a trip to the Dentist is very different from a trip to the Gynecologist).

Sanaa's tooth has been hurting her for over 24 hours. Instead of going to the Emergency Room, I accompanied her to the Dentist's office on Jama'a street.

We had to wait for the dentist to come and open the office. He was about 24 or 25, wearing jeans and puma brand shoes.

The office itself was pretty clean, I guess. I went with her into the operating room. He gave her Novocaine. He wasn't wearing gloves. The tools he used had been sitting in a drawer, and not in little plastic sanitary bags like in the states. I'm talkin' he took the syringe out of a drawer and put it in her mouth without 1. washing his hands, 2. washing the syringe, 3. wearing gloves.

We got home and Sanaa told me her mouth really hurt, so I asked to see it, and there was just blood blood blood blood blood coming out.

I'm not sure what he did to her, but whatever it was, I am super glad it's not me.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

This place is definitely crazy and it's not just culture shock!

Every day I do something completely stupid and somebody in my arab family gets mad, or laughs. I usually resort to laughing, unless I'm really stressed out.

I am recovering from a 3 day stomach sickness. It was probably food poisoning, because it happened all-of-a-sudden, and involved two places of exit.

Malek was amazing. He got me the complete third season of 24 on DVD and delivered it to my house, so I wouldn't be completely bored out of my skull inbetween trips to the bucket and the bathroom.

However, the rental place was a little bit like car test-driving; he had to leave his ID there. Because of the riot that happened on Thursday, he would need to have his ID today, Sunday, the first day of school in the week. So he had to come back and pick up the DVD's to be able to return them. (Don't worry, I illegally copied them onto my computer with ease, they being illegal copies anyway. And mom, I will erase them when I am done watching them.)

Everybody was in the living room talking when he called to tell me he was outside. So instead of interrupting the conversation, I just walked outside and handed them to him. I was outside for literally 2 minutes when my Arab mom came running out, greeted him, he left, and she turned to me and said the equivalent of, "Why the crap didn't you tell me he arrived!??!?!"

"Sorry, I thought you were busy...it's not a big deal!"

She didn't say anything. I think the fact that I went outside by myself at night scared her. Yes, this place is definitely crazy.

The other supporting reason for my thesis "Jordan is INSANE" is the medicine they gave me at the pharmacy. I went with my Arab mom. We both explained I needed medecine for istifrigh and ishaal, vomiting and diarrhea - it was very clear to the pharmicist what I needed. When I got home and read the information that came with the equivalent of two dollar medicine, my level of nausia increased. "There's nothing WRONG with my vagina. Why the crap did she give me medicine for Vaginitis????!?!?!"

The crazy part was when we called the number on the pharmacy bag, and my Arab mom spoke with her, she defended her case, that it contained the same active ingredient as immonium, and was suitable for my problem. Moonasib. Yeah freaking right.

The craziest part was that I took it.

Monday, March 26, 2007

احترام

The International Club at Al-Yarmouk University sometimes organizes trips for the students. Ayhem Abu Sha'ar is the main guy in charge of these trips. In fact, he is the only official faculty in any way responsible for International Students, which make up over a 1/4 of the student population. But I have already made my feelings on that subject somewhat clear...

The next trip for International Students was supposed to be this weekend (it has since been canceled due to bus scheduling issues), to Um Qais, the Jordan River Valley, and Ajloon. I have been to all of these places, but that was almost half a year ago. They are all worth a second look.

Unfortunately, the trip was scheduled to leave Friday morning at 8:00, meaning I would have to skip church. I told Ayhem, "Yeah, sorry...it looks like I won't be able to go with you."

"But we already put you on the list!"
"Yes but...my religion is important to me."
"You're Christian though! Why is your prayer on Friday? That's the Muslim Sabbath!"
"Yeah, well my church decided to put its prayer on Friday because there isn't work or school on that day. It's always open. You know?"
"Well, you can go pray at the Catholic church on Sunday, instead!"
"No, not really..."
"But we really want you to come with us!"

This kind of talking went on for about half an hour. Finally, I had enough. I said, "Look, if I can't go, I can't go. The end."

It was mostly a case of the-straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back. Ayhem was just joking around, not trying to purposefully disrespect my religion.

I'm totally used to living as the minority. I come from the state with the least percentage of Mormons per population; not only that, but from the non-urban area. I know all about the shock-factor my religion evokes: "You don't drink or smoke?" "Wow, you don't drink coffee or tea?" "You mean to say, you've never slept with anybody?"

It's funny. All the non-Mormon Arabs I've met think I'm an alien with two heads for not drinking coffee or tea, yet once they find out I'm a virgin it's like I've joined some secret club. EVERYBODY respects me more, and is suddenly interested in learning more about Mormonism. Usually, I try to focus on the things our religion shares in common. Today, I was told that there is only a tiny line that differentiates Mormons from Muslims. In my mind, I made a sarcastic comment about, "Yeah, there's that whole Savior-Messiah thing..."

"You mean, Mormon girls should be virgins when they get married?"
"Yeah."
"Wow! That's AWESOME!"

Later, I went back to the same person and said, "You know, my response to your question was only half-adequate. I should have said, yeah, and so should Mormon guys."
"Of course, of course!"

Off topic. Back to respect. There are several reasons why Ayhem's pressuring me to skip church to go with the school trip really pissed me off.
1. It was insistent, as if he wasn't going to change his mind until I changed mine. Ana hurra, I'm free. I can make my own decisions, thank you very much.
2. He wouldn't go ask a Muslim girl to not wear her hijab; going to church is a wajib or duty in my faith just like wearing the hijab is a wajib in Islam. He shouldn't ask me to do something that goes blatantly against my faith.
3. ESPECIALLY because he is the only person in charge of International Students! He should be understanding, welcoming, and tolerant. Right?

I went to his office and forgave him. He was really, really, really sorry for having pissed me off yesterday.

This experienced helped me bond with my Arabic family. I came home, and burst into tears. Lots of factors - homesickness, discouragement with the language, culture shock, etc. etc...those things had been in the back of my mind, but just realizing how much I am alone, and the minority, and how Ayhem disrespected me brought many of those worries to the front.

Sanaa took me in her arms and told me about how impressed she has always been with me. Multezima! She said she didn't believe that there were devout Christians before she met Nedal, and the other Mormons. She said it's very, very, very good that my religion is so important to me. I told her that my faith is the most important thing, that I could lose everything - even my family (big deal here), or my honor (even bigger), but not my faith.

My Arabic mom said that is one of the main reasons they decided to let me come live with their family, almost literally adopting me as their 5th daughter; because I am a God-fearing religious person. I felt very comforted. She also said, "Kate, don't care about people that are outside of your family. If they're outside the family - whatever, it doesn't matter. Don't care about them. Only care about things that happen to your relatives. That's what's really important." I like her philosophy.

"Sh@* on all of the people who don't respect your religion. You're better than them." said Hibba.
"You shouldn't care about people who don't have brains, right?" said my Arabic dad. "The cows and horses and sheep at the farm (the Hammouri's have a farm about 10 km away from the house) have more respect than most human beings, don't you see?"

I love the Hammouri's.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

World War Three

Actually, this is a little known fact, but it began in the Hammouri house, in Irbid, Jordan. The subject? Only the will to live is more powerful than this...you guessed it, love.

I don't know if I would really classify these relationships as "love". My American friend Adam certainly doesn't. "These people's idea of love is so middle school. It's superficial and fake; they don't know mature love until marriage, if even." And we weren't talking about sex. Just the ability to communicate and love each other.

However, by this definition, I probably...well, I think to myself about all the boys I've dated and not really loved, and the ones I loved but didn't date, and how subjective and un-bordered the whole subject is. I asked my friend Kit if he's ever kissed someone he didn't love, not really expecting him to ask me back. When he did, it made me think. I have no reason to look down on these girls for not having mature love relationships; most of my relationships have been that way. The number of guys I have really loved or still do love I can definitely count on one hand.

I have to remain ambiguous for the sake of my sister's honor, but I would really like to write about the female situation here in Jordan. Let's just say, all of my sisters have boy problems, and none of them would fall under the American category of "dating".

One is young and everybody is afraid that she's going to follow a bad example (although she's the sweetest girl in the whole world, in my opinion). None of us (including me) are allowed to talk about love or boys in front of her.

One has a secret boyfriend but their only interaction is through their cell phones; last week, her brother overheard her talking to him and demanded to know who she was talking with. If he had found out, her reputation could have been ruined forever. She was terrified.

One has two boys who like her; one is in a position where he can afford marriage. He finished his master's, he's 29, has a good job, but doesn't really like her, and isn't really that interested in her. The second one can't get married for at least another two years, he's very mooskeen, or...young? Shy? Little? How do you translate that idea? He loves her a lot, so much that he yelled at her for about two hours on the phone after he saw her talking to another guy while she was at work. What? But they made up, and now she has to decide who she's going to go for.

One doesn't have a boyfriend at all. From what I can tell, she wants one. She doesn't really vocalize thoughts about marriage, but I think she's worrying about it.

Then, there's me. My love problems...yeah, I came here to stay far away from them. I don't know how well I've succeeded.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

My Mind is BLOWING A FUSE

It's hard to transition between social norms:

"Of course I would kill Sanaa if she disgraced the family honor."
- My Arabic Dad

"Ahmed says hey, he loves you." (purposefully giving a poor translation)
"Tell him I'm not into dudes."
"Homexuality is beyond the scope of his world experience."
"Increase his world view."
- Online conversation w/ Trevor

"The people who think that women aren't our equals are all retarded."
-Hibba

"Yeah! I'm engaged! I've only met her like 3 times...we're communicating online."
- Omar, the Spanish guy in my class, on becoming engaged in a traditional, conservative way to an Iraqi girl

"Are you serious? Mormons don't have sex before marriage? No way! I've never heard about that!"
- Prof NagiH

"Do you want anything from the sooq, Kate?"
"Yeah. A copy of 'The Feminine Mystique.'"
"What?"
"Nevermind."
- Conversation with my Arabic Mom

"Of course Ahmed or Mahmoud or my dad would kill me if I disgraced the family honor. And if not them - my Uncle, or another Uncle, or my cousin, or another cousin, or another cousin..."
- Ala2

[dancing with my Arabic sisters to the only American song they know: "My Humps." If they only knew what the words were!]

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Going to the Bathroom

I'm sorry if this post offends some.

Eating is a universal need. Thus, certain activities that go on in a bathroom also become a universal need.

A typical American bathroom contains:
- a toilet
- toilet paper
- a flusher

I've used two bathrooms here that have contained all of those; one is the Al-Husn LDS Church building, the other is the American Embassy. Technically, only one of those is on Jordanian soil.

A typical Jordanian bathroom contains:
- some type of hole
- a hose
- a trash can

At first, you aren't quite sure what to do. It's embarrassing to have someone explain it to you, especially when they've never seen an American bathroom.

The first time I walked into the University of Jordan's Language Center Women's Bathroom, I was absolutely confused. I had no idea what to do. It was literally a hole in the ground. What? I realized that it had to involve some sort of squatting, but - how!??!

There are two types of bathrooms here. Toilets, and holes.

In my house, we have both. I never use the hole, but I think it's mostly "the boy's bathroom", anyway.

Pretty much every time I use the bathroom in my house here, I think of the way I described it in a previous blog post, "it may not be my favorite room in the house" - and how that phrase continues to hold true.

The family bathroom here doesn't disgust me as much as it confuses me. I don't understand a toilet without a flush is possible. I don't understand what I'm supposed to do when a flush would come in handy. Usually I just take the hose, which is normally used in place of toilet paper, and try to "flush" things down...

Basically, if you urinate in the family bathroom, it just sits there. The "water" in the toilet isn't ever - well - water.

Then, there's this hole in the middle of the floor with a circular piece of metal over it, that were I to lift it, I KNOW I would see my bodily excretions flowing...somewhere...somehow...

During the family party last weekend, somebody had the brilliant idea to discard their cigarettes down the hole-in-the-ground "boy's" toilet. The result was everything got stuck, and crap (literally) overflowed into the main walkway of the house. Mama, Hibba, and Sanaa did most of the cleaning.

Several minutes after using a sucking-hose type thing to drain the stuff into what I assume must have been the gutter in the street, Mona was walking in bare feet on the same floor.

I keep repeating to myself in my mind, "These people aren't dead. You're not going to die, either."

It's part of the experience, I guess.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

"The Stocks"

2.17.2007

“Kate, do you want to go with us to ‘the stocks’”?
I heard “stocks” and thought “NASDAQ”. This quite confused me.
I said, “sure!” thinking, “well, if I go with Sanaa and Ahmed, then I’ll at least get to understand what the crap they’re talking about…and since they’re asking me if I want to go, it can’t be dangerous for me.”

When I was in Photo II with Mr. Hing, one of our large projects was an advertisement. We had to go through all the stages of production, including brainstorming, reforming the idea, actually photographing the thing, and working with photoshop to add text. I remember helping Mr. Hing put the photos up on the wall in the main hallway in the Reed Center. He stopped at an advertisement for a pair of shoes. “Something just doesn’t work here…the photography is excellent, but the wording just doesn’t work. It got lost in translation.” English was a second language for the student photographer.

Basically, everything in English around here is like that. For example, the “International Student Office” is called the “Ex-patriot Student Bureau.” Yarmouk is organized into “villages” – the word makes sense in Arabic, but in English…it doesn’t really. “English Village” sounds like some quaint little moor somewhere in the United Kingdom. By far and away my favorite are the daftarat, or the school notebooks. Most of them have cheesy pictures of babies, flowers, or landscapes with the most hilarious phrases, made triply hilarious when there are spelling and grammar mistakes. Here are some examples:
“You are happy when you see a flower and recognize the blessing.”
“Fish for a dream, you never know when you might use it.”
“A Friend…makes the world we live in a better and happier place. A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift A friend is someone to treasure, for friendship is a gift A friend is someone who fills our lives with Beauty, Joy and Grace and makes the world we live in a better and happier place”
“Thinking of Future Mysteries with pure minds. Wondering What is Future with innocent eyes. Babies Future.”
“Blue as spring sky shining as a day light roaming as a bird to get further looking future with a big smile.”
“Flowers write with the sence of romance…2 the one you love…I love you Can be said with Words…

So when Sanaa asked me if I wanted to go to the “stocks”, I automatically assumed that I was wrong about us going to something that had to do with the NY Stock Exchange, NASDAQ, or the Dow Jones Industrial Average.

Probably she either heard a poor translation of the word balay, or she looked it up in a dictionary and took whatever definition came up. “Stocks” would definitely not be the word I would use. Maybe I would use that word to refer to a place like Costco, or the Bishop’s Storehouse, or any wholesale place, but the place we went had nothing to with those kinds of places.

The words I would have used were more like: bazaar, flea market, second-hand shopping, or graveyard for American clothing. Before coming to Jordan, I went shopping with Trevor. We spent the whole time looking at where the different things were made. So far, everywhere I’ve gone with Hibba or Sanaa in the Soog (market) literally everything I have seen – including makeup and accessories – has been ‘Made in China’. So it was quite a shock to see things like a Dallas Cowboys jacket, a sweatshirt with ‘Los Angeles’ on it, sponge-bob square-pants slippers, and brand names like Land’s End, Old Navy, American Eagle, and Abercrombie and Fitch. There was a black and white Armani blouse underneath an XXL pine green sweatshirt with a giant tweety bird on it. Table and table and tables of dirty clothes, dirty shoes, dirty coats for miles and miles and miles. People walking, rummaging through them. I couldn’t tell where the balay began or ended. It was insane, and all around were Arab men shouting/singing, “25 cents! 25 cents! Any 3 for 25 cents! Just today!” I felt like I was doing a double-take for four hours; strange enough to be in a foreign country, in a bazaar reeking of dirt, mold, urine, coffee, and the ever-present tobacco, but then to see random objects from home completely out of context. All of this was odd enough to take in, even knowing that most of those products are not made in the United States. Then I decided to check the tags.

Eight – nine – ten in a row I counted before coming to one that was not “Made in the USA.” I didn’t know how to feel about this. I kept wondering, “Where the heck did all of these come from?” Seriously, I love second-hand stores. Deseret Industries, Salvation Army, Second Hand Rose in downtown Westfield…four hours of looking at this stuff, and there was only one, and I repeat ONE thing that I saw that evoked in me a desire to buy it. This place was scary. Miles and miles of crap, stuff I would never dress myself let alone my children in, yet it was crowded with moms, dads, children – holding shirts up to shoulders, bartering down the price. I took over 100 pictures, and not one of them was easy to take. People already stare at me wherever I go, being the only white red-head that apparently any of them has ever seen in real life, but the whole camera-in-face thing substantially increases their tendency to stare.

It was interesting; the whole dynamic of me-Ahmed-Sanaa. We all helped each other stay safe. Sanaa was the oldest and dictated where we were going. I stayed right by her side (they warned me quite forcefully to take care of my purse and not let it out of my sight); she kept me safe. But Sanaa could not have gone by herself; this is not a country for walking alone in. Ahmed’s male-ness assured that nobody would harm us. He’s 18, but looks younger. If there was one of us who could have gone alone, it would have been him, but Sanaa’s knowledge and go-getter personality definitely helped him. You may wonder how I contributed to the dynamic; I held the bags of stuff they bought. I stood with Sanaa when we were waiting for Ahmed to pick up the showarma from the mataam, I told Sanaa when something was extremely unstylish/dirty/not worth buying, or when we found a hidden treasure. But my most useful job of the night was translating the English written on the endless sweatshirts, coats, shirts, and shoes.
“What does ‘Sassy’ mean?”
“No, you shouldn’t buy that one.”
“Oooh, this is Nick!”
“You mean Nye-kee!”
“What does ‘Big Dog’ mean?”
“Yeah, you don’t want that one either.”
“What does this say?”
“Sanaa! Do you really want underwear that says ‘call me’ on it?”

The funniest thing I saw was a purple child’s sweatshirt with a picture of Malcolm X on the front, and one of his quotes on the back about protecting rights and freedoms BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. It seemed a bit out of place in the “stocks”.

Besides wondering how Irbid, Jordan had ended up being the final destination of a long journey for all the stuff, I also wondered over and over, “What would drive someone to work here?” Maybe I’m too much of an idealist; maybe people do aspire to work in these kinds of places. With unemployment being what it is in Jordan, I shouldn’t be shocked at anything.

Anecdote:
I came to learn later that most of the clothing in the bala is either used, or there was a manufacturing mistake. And even though you can buy a used Armani jacket for 2 JDs (about $2.75), it cost the people selling it about 2 gursh (about $0.05).